Unfortunately for him, his attempt to purchase one resulted in complete humiliation when his younger sister accidentally intercepted the package.
In a particularly excruciating thread on Reddit this week, user DannySwish1 explained how his sister raced to the door expecting a new pair of shoes.
This wasn’t what she got.
He wrote: ‘Today I f*cked up. Fleshlight. Wanted one. Saved up, dropped the STU (Stamina Training Unit, looked like it’d feel the best) into my cart online, estimated delivery times show delivery in a couple of weeks for the standard speed, but, of course, I need this thing NOW. Spring for the expedited service with an estimated delivery of about six or seven days.
‘2 days later: Doorbell rings, package is delivered. Sister is expecting a new pair of shoes. I don’t even get up, thinking that can’t possibly be it, it’s way too early. Sister races to the door and takes the box to the kitchen to open it.
Daniel then tries to dig himself out of an impossibly awkward situation.
‘Sister says, “Maybe it was delivered to the wrong address?” I thank the gods and play along, trying to act innocent. She reaches for the packing slip. Fuck. She looks back up at me in disbelief. My face is on fire. I try to snatch the box, but she hangs on to one of the flaps. The flap tears off, and I run upstairs with what’s left of my dirty toybox,’ he writes.
‘Few minutes later: My final attempt at redemption. I go back down, waving the empty, gold-coloured exterior in my hand. “Look! It’s just a flashlight… and the, uh, pictures in the box were just weird… ads.” She is not convinced. I cower back up to the corner in my room.’